Even Longer.

I was quite pleased to discover i had actually had a reader. maybe more, i cant remember what my counter was on. :S

Unfortunately i have nothing of much purpose to add, so this number is unlikely to increase all that much.

Woo. its been a while...

Evaluation

evaluation... what the hell am I going to write? I had a list, no have a list, but it is pretty much just a piece of paper with a few words on, no real meaning. Feck. Feck feckity feck feck. Bollocks too. _Bastard. Woo. I'm not sticking this on the site... were the hell is himeko? I cant seem to find the right key combination... oh. ^{I'm here! Yay me.} And I really need to get back to work. V bgv fgcvg fb.. that was my frustration at superscript turning off. _{We know.} I was explaining for our... 0 readers. _{:d to you.} Oh, so very mature.^Xxx?_xxxx. Shut it. Wah wah wah.

Slight breakdown / Revelation.

I should work hard. I could work hard. I should and i could but I don't, not because I can't, because I can. I can do it. I just don't. I don't and I won't. I won't say I would, because I don't think that's true. I should, I could, I would like to say, but can't because I'm fairly certain it's not true, I would, and I don't. I need to work hard. If I don't, I will be a failure. I don't want to be a failure, but I still don't. I have all the reason I need. I love genetics. If I just need to do genetics, I do it, I do it brilliantly. But the stuff I need to do, to do if I want to DO genetics... that I don't do, despite the fact that I know I should and I know that I could and I know I could do fantastically.
It's just not real. Nothing is. Except pain. But even that isn't entirely real. But still, it's real. More real than most other things, anyway. Many normal people might thus self-harm, to feel real. To feel that life is worth living and that it all actually exists. But I don't. I don't, because I'm not normal, I'm not a big fan of pain, I can't cut myself (except when really drunk, which I'm also not a big fan of), and I don't want it to be real. If it's real, then I might be a failure. I might not be good enough, and I can't handle that.
I like to think that I don't have much of an ego, that its what happens to other people, and that instead, I have the Phantom and can ignore him because he is an arsehole. But he does not exist, and I have an ego that cannot accept that I might not do well. I like to think I'm not very competitive, but when I lose, I can accept it because it doesn't feel real, and when it does feel real I am competitive, and then when I lose, it hurts. Not a lot, but as I have already mentioned, I don't like pain, physical or emotional or psychological. I avoided looking at Sophie for a couple of months, when at all possible, to avoid the pain. I still spoke when spoken to, and tried to act otherwise normal, to avoid further pain of possible social torment. It's difficult not to look at someone who you see everyday, who is in your tutor group and your, relatively small, circle of friends. It's difficult not to look at someone like her. I difficult for me not to look at her.
I'm really glad I gave no-one who knows me the address for this site, as that would be very embarrissing. :P damn I need a slightly sad looking emoticon.

*insert phantom's comment on 'sad'*

Unknown chapter...

In ordr to asses the spped of the droplets you need to measure the distance they are travelling, and the time it takes them to get there. As here is no reliable way in which to do this with ordinary lab equipment, at least with any sense of accuracy, I am going to delve into the realms of insanity and argue with myself. Enjoy.

Ok, I have given up. Any ideas anyone?

_{yes, dickhead. try using a stopclock.}

Very helpful. Not. How about you?

^{umm… I’m not sure? or am I...? I agree that using a clock of some sort would be helpful, but the problem remains that how do you know when to start and stop?}

Well, mrs fisher just said that we are basically describing the picture.

_{we know, idiot. we’re both in here, here being the inside of ur head, kinda.}

_{*use some eggs!1!1!11!*}

IGNORE HIM. AAAHHH! Ahem. Caps lock.

^{well tht wasn’t particularly bright.}

_dumbass.

Hey, anyone can make a mistake!

_{dumbass. you deserve to be shot, and if I weren’t a figment of ur imagination, id do it myslf! and I wouldn’t get caught, unlikethis useless idiot.}

^{I assume u mean me? I am not useless. I am, in effect, the ying to your yang, the light to ur dark, the bread to your cheese, the…}

_{please just SHUT UP!!! and by please I mean, or die. I can do that you know. I am the most powerful piece of this twats imagination, and I control what he ‘sees’ and as such I can make him not ‘see’ u!}

I would just like to say that I am in control of my own imagination, and I could get rid of both of you if I so wished.

^{no! please don’t, I want to liiiive! I’ve been in there, I cant go back into the dark! I cant!}

_{you may be an insolent twat, but you would not do that to us, effectively a real and necessary part of you}

in that case, help me with this physics!

^{is that not bad grammer? I am not sure, but it just doesn’t seem right to me…}

_{it is spelt grammar. fool. grammar school? three tiered education. maho.}

^{^_^ I say hi!}

Ok, I know you wish to be referred to as himeko, but that does not make you ‘Himeko’. And why you chose a girls name confuses and worries me…

_{gay. G.A.Y. you are a homosexual. I m the guy part, the bit that makes you like guns and explosions and electrical stuff. and ‘she’ is the girl bit, that makes you love men.}

Nope, fairly sure im not. In fact, I am dead certain that I am heterosexual. I much prefer women.

_{such as ‘her’?}

^{that’s just sick, kinda. it worse than incest in a way. being in love with an imaginary figment of your own mind? just plain wrong. plus, I object to being referred to as ‘she’. I have a name.}

ok, that kindafreaked me out. Joe too, I would assume. Now, we shall all se what happens if I do this…

_wt?

^this!

_eh?

^{I have been augmented. an imaginary testosterone boost, if you will…}

I thought I t would be fun…

_{yeah, well fun this.}

^{nooo!! I was having fun.}

An imaginary pin? You used an imaginary pin? Wtf?!?

_{well, if you can give ‘her’ imaginary testosterone, why shouldn’t I use an imaginary pin to pop the fake ‘muscles’? it makes perfect cartoon sense. ie, in ur imagination, I can do nearly anything!}

Nearly?

_{well, there obviously limits, or that would be no fun…}

^{such as?}

_{I cannot directly affect reality. just unhinge enuf to make MY reality seem real. and that’s bloody difficult, and requires a weakened grip…}

Such as…

_exactly.

^{ur mean. not even ordinary mean, or pure evil mean that you can almost feel sorry for as it is pure and thus knows no better, but proper mean, where you know its bad, you understand its bad, and still do it.}

_{thanks! ;D}

not really something to be proud of…

best go, end of lesson methinks…

P.s Edited to make it more readable, as even i was getting confused by this.

Chapter (last one +1)

I’m kind of bored right now, and I haven’t done a lot recently (no posts this month) so here I am. Before I continue _{­hurry up­}, as I said, before I continue I must point out some differences between my former style and my current style. Before I was full of internal conflict, so mostly it was all about self-hate _{hurry up} and thus not very good. Also, during some conversations I have bee unable to save due to some reason or other _{hurry up} ^{let him finish}, you will not have been introduced to Himeko, ^{Nice to meet you. *insert curtsy*} “Curtsy?” You may be thinking, and I also would be, that this is a bit weird. _{­get on with this, you are boring!} Himeko is a girl’s name, and so is this invented facet of my personality. ^{That’s quite insulting you know…} I’m sorry. She is not a realistic girl ^{Watch it buster!} as she is entirely the feminine, or my perceived view of femininity, part, and is largely against conflict. She will however react to insult, so be careful you. ­_{Me? Good of you to acknowledge my existence, finally!}

I’ve just found a former conversation ­_{we know, we are in here…}^{he was talking to them…} and as such I shall be imminently putting this up as well. Much appreciative of your _non-existent comments!

Chapter 13: The End of the originals...

After this post, all posts will have been conceived and penned after the creation of this site. It's not as I remembered it, but hey,is anything?

i am going to fail. fail fail fail fail......................... munter. you are a total shitfaced cock head. haha head. i give up. mr johnson is a total idiot. i dont care if i fail anymore. i have no choice i can *buggerbuggerbuggerbugger*. or i can just live with it. you twat. you smell like a dead hobo who has been rolled in a dead, wet dog. you make a week old fart that has been stewing in an intestinally frustrated hippos arse for about a decade. in a sealed room. (airtight.)

in retrospect it doesn't make any sense. One word of advice: a good idea it may seem, but avoid DiDA.

Chapter 12. because you're worth it...

In order for this to be an effective and thoroughly fit-for-purpose project, we need an effective and thoroughly fit-for-purpose Project Log. This needs to include qwerty, as tyhis is amen. _{i hate you.} I know. _{i want you to die slowly and painfully.} You are an idiot sometimes. _{i meant that figuratively speaking; by die, i meant of old age, by slowly and painfully, i meant knowing that i am in control, doing what i like, and there being nothing you can do about it.} Dream on. _{if you can dream it you can do it.} Not so, you can't fly, and yet i know we've dreamt of flying more than once. _{you are a stupid twat who deserves everything i'm going to give you.} And how excactly do you expect to do this? _{you will burn in the fiery pits of hell, and i will put you there.} I've got news for you, we're already going there anyway. _{when i get home i shall be free of you, you pitiful mortal.} At least i'll be nice and warm. _{you will long for a death in the frozen depths of the antarctic.} Nice to speak to you too. _{couldn't say it could you.} Say what? _{love you too, you pitiful worm.} Don't know what you mean. _{don't get insolent with me!} Oh, go stick a pitchfork in it. _{i'll stick a pitchfork in you!} Take a chill pill. _{omg that is, well, did you think you were cool saying that?} No, I am beyond that delusion. _{no, no you're not.} How would YOU know? _{i am stuck inside your fucking head you shit brained moron!} Nice to see you aren't pretending to be me anymore. _{for all intents and purposes i am you, well part of you anyway.} So, if you're not me, per say, who exactly are you? _{it is not for mere mortals to know.} You are nothing more that I am, or you would have taken over by now. _{There are some Lores even i, in my seemingly infinite power and wisdom, cannot break.} Oh? _{the spirit that is in control of a mind is to remain in control until such a time as it relinquishes control to another.} So basically, you can't take control unless I, in some moment of weakness, let you, and then I cannot regain control unless you let me? _{pretty much.} That last bit wasn't very Prince of Darknessesque. _wtf? You were acting like an ordinary "mortal". _{1st of all, i am no price of darkness, that is such a lame title, we became a republic decades ago, and 2nd, bugger i've been spending too much time nosing around in your mind, it is beginning to rot my Evil.} Wow, that's the first capital letter you've used today! _{no other was worthy of a capital.} I'm tired of this and I need to get on with my work, goodbye. _{burn in the fiery pits of hell!}